Tuesday, March 18, 2014

DIY Jones' Update: The State of Me

I've written this post maybe 5 times.  The last time, I was ready to hit the publish button.  But one final proof-read had me hesitating.  I was trying to keep myself in check after posting this about nine months ago, and probably vent a little, too, but it seemed in the end I just sounded like a whiny brat!  I was trying to be honest with myself, and you guys, but somehow that honesty came off as juvenile.  So, I'm gonna try again...


When I wrote about how keeping up with the DIY Jones' was wearing me down, killing my creativity and making me doubt my abilities, I felt like I was all alone in my thoughts.  But suddenly there were posts everywhere from other bloggers proclaiming the same, or very similar, thoughts to those I'd just posted.  I was a little amazed.  But then, when you read their very real thoughts, you realize they are human just like me.  Some of them really resonated with me and I was glad to not feel alone anymore:

Hard as I may try, I think there will always be that voice in my head comparing to others, but I believe that is just human nature.  To want to be better than others, whether secretly or openly.  It's not a feeling I'm proud of because ultimately I'd love to be completely secure and confident in who I am, and hopefully one day I'll be there.  That's probably my biggest goal.

I think I'm better than I was nine months ago, but still not where I want to be.  I've done better about being ok with what I like and that it's not like what everyone else likes or is doing now.  It's hard, though, because that makes me less "popular" (I really hate writing that word), and I wonder who I write for {besides me}, but I still really enjoy this blog and sharing the projects I do.  I still had a couple of moments in these last nine months where I tried something I wouldn't normally do but did because "everybody is doing it."  No, I didn't go jump off a bridge, hehe.

But I have seen, and realized, that those who are totally confident in what they do -- whether it's "cool" or not -- are appreciated that much more because it just doesn't matter what others think.  They do it because they like it, not necessarily anybody else.  THAT'S the mindset I'm working towards!  Although I do hope my husband likes what I do, since he has to live with it too, haha!

But as I'm trying to be ok with me, I'm facing a milestone that's doing it's damnedest to set me back.  I will be 30 this year -- in less than a month, y'all.  I don't feel 30.  Not even close.  But there it is.  I feel like 30 is that threshold between an adult and a true grown-up.  And I'm not ready to cross it.  I'm not really ready to be a grown-up.  I'm still learning about me, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm suppose to be when I grow up, and I'm still desperately trying to meet goals & dreams I set for myself when I was 25.  30 is not welcome yet, but I can't stop it from coming.

I keep hearing that your 30's are fabulous, and I promise I'm really trying to get on that bandwagon, because I really want to rid my life of negativity.  And that's where that "comparing myself to others" comes into play big time.  It is SO HARD for me to not compare where I am at nearly 30 to those my age and where they are.  I mean, shouldn't I be in the same place?  I've been on this earth the same amount of time they have!  But then I read this:

and I try to remember no, God made each of our paths different.  Although I'd love to know the "why" of some of the things I've been through and am currently going through, -- He and I are going to have a heart to heart when I get there (although by then it won't really matter, will it, haha?) -- but I need to learn to be content with ME, and what I have NOW.  Because it can all be gone in a heartbeat.

I may not have a magazine worthy home, but I have a home full of stories.  A home that welcomes.  A home full of creativity.  A home of love.  And when I look back and think about where my husband and I were three years ago, having a home with all of that is so much more than I could ask for.  So much more than I deserve.

This year I didn't give myself a New Year's resolution.  I decided I was just going to go with the flow, no pressure of projects and just let things be and happen as they happen.  I do have goals and projects I'd like to complete, but I'm not going to pull my hair out if it doesn't happen.  And as a planner, that is the hardest thing ever!  But, I've never felt better.  My "days off" from watching my nephew are spent leisurely doing what I want, rather than rushing to get a project finished {"ohmygoodness I have to get this done today!  I have to blog this tomorrow!"}  And even though I haven't shared many projects this year on {be made}, I've accomplished a lot this year, and it feels so great!

So I'm going to keep on the track I've set for myself for 2014.  And I going to try to suck it up and embrace 30.  Set some new goals that will bring me joy rather than focus on the feeling of failure from not meeting the old ones.  Just keep doing what I love {and not necessarily what everyone else loves} and do it without any pressure.  Do it for pleasure.  And sharing all that pleasure with you guys.  Because that does make me happy.  And I hope you stick around for it.  (:

Hopefully that was a lot less whiny!  Ha!


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